Everytime i tell someone about my current situation with relationships they always seem to say “i feel sorry for you”

Is it really that bad?

pleatedjeans:

The Art of Demetri Martin <—more here

I made a list of everything
That’s gone on between you and me
And even an idiot like me could see

No matter how you add it up
When you reach the bottom line
The fault was usually mine.

The stupid things I’ve said and done
If I could change just even one
the thing I’d say would be:
Laura, Laura…I’m so sorry.

It’s become my trade in stock
To always jump from rock to rock
Chasing fantasies that don’t come through.

Thought I was happy just to coast
But it’s me who needed you the most.
Of course that’s something
I could never own up to.

I want to look you in the face to say
What I never had the grace to say
When you were still with me:
Laura, Laura…I’m so sorry.

For everything you’re going through
And everything I can’t undo,
Please accept this small apology

Oh, Laura, Laura,
Sweet, sweet Laura
Laura, Laura…

For letting you down…
For letting you go…
I’m so sorry.

I cried out of beautifulness but it’s hilarious at the same time.

wow.

Today I experienced one of the most amazing feelings I have experienced in a long time. Maybe even ever. It was a horrible thing to go through but now I feel so relieved and feel a certain closure now that it has been done.

So this course that I’m doing (called Showfit) is a full time music theatre course. We sing, act and dance every weekday 9am-3:30pm. It’s full on. One of our classes on Tuesday is monologue class and for our first class we had to write our own monologue about an “incident” be it true or made up, we had to make it believable. So the first thing I thought of was something I had written on my tumblr about a year and a half ago. Seemed like a good idea at the time and today I was even thinking about re-posting what I wrote because I should have always stood by it. But after actually getting a sense of direction from the fabulous Bish, I lost the plot. I felt so repulsed about what I had written because it was only recently that these feelings began to come back and found it so hard to control my tears and just blurted them out the whole time. Everything I wrote was believable, the way I was delivering them was believable, I just wasn’t able to hold back on the emotion and connect with the text.

But I finally did it. After so much pain I had been through and recreating this horrible feeling, Bish told me that it’s such a good thing to hold as a performer as you can bring it up whenever you can but you just have to control it. Once you own that, you will be exceptional. So after my hysterical fit of crying I cranked out my monologue, convincing everyone that I am so much better because of it and now that I have let everything go, made others understand how shit that thing I went through was, I am officially a better person because of it.

I can now let everything go.

I’ve forgotten how I felt about this person, what emotions I went through while they were around and feel like I am finally free. I don’t need to apologise. I don’t need to see them ever again and I definitely am stronger than ever now.

One hurdle I’ve gotten over, just a few things to work on down the track to become a better performer and a much better person and I am ready.

I will be ready.

YAYYYYY AMANDA PALMERRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D

Thanks holly!

I don’t want to feel like this anymore.

I hate it.

It might be depression, it might be a longing for something I once had, it might be because I’m tired. I don’t know.

I’m trying to be positive this year (which is working might I add) I just can’t seem to shake this feeling.

fplusforamy:

But most of all, I’m sorry for giving up on us when you never did.

Yes, I love Gossip Girl. Deal with it.

There’s only two people that have really gotten to me in the last 6 months and I only have one thing to say to both of you.

FUCK YOU.

Stay away from me. Because all this time has just been a head fuck and yet you continue to do it even if I don’t talk to you. I DON’T GIVE A FUCK SO STOP TRYING TO RUB YOUR LIVES VICARIOUSLY THROUGH OTHERS IN MY FACE JUST TO WIND ME UP.

I AM SO FUCKING SICK OF IT.

I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR BIDDIES OR HOW EXCITED YOU ARE ABOUT THEM.

I DON’T CARE THAT YOU’RE AT MY -MYYYYY- LOCAL AND I’M NOT FOR ONCE.

I JUST DON’T FUCKING CARE.

This is the absolute last you BOTH will ever hear from me because you both have put me through so much fucking shit.

FUCK RELATIONSHIPS. FUCK LOVE. FUCK YOU TWO. FUCK EVERYTHING.